So I’m out walking my dog yesterday and Rover wants to make a pit stop – or so I think. I look down and instead of doin his business, my dog is eatin somethin. Shit! I yank him away quick because yeah, that’s what it is – shit. My dog is chowin down on poop. I can’t believe it. Now that I’m workin steady here at the magazine, I’m able to feed Rover top o’ the line stuff and he wants to eat poop! What’s up with that?
I asked Rover’s doc. She told me Rover was taken from his mom too early and he has security issues that can only be rectified (ha, now there’s a pun for ya, hey slow poke, rectified = rectum = poop, if ya didn’t get it there’s no hope for yous) anyway, rectified with intensive cuddling.
Nope, I just made that up.
Here’s the full poop – Ha! I can’t help it, they write themselves. I’m on a roll here.
OK, OK, here’s the skinny on why dogs eat poop.
Dogs eat poop because they’re bored or looking for attention. Or maybe it’s because there’s just plain something wrong with ‘em.
Poop eating, also known as coprophagy. (See, I told ya before, I can use fancy talk, especially when I’m talkin about poop!) Anyway, coprophagy is normal for a puppy. Now here’s the important part – if you can’t figure out why Fido is eating turds, you could have a poop eater on your hands for life. This can become a habit, fast.
The first time you first see your dog munchin on a turd, don’t flip out or it could freak out your dog and make him want to eat even more poop.
So why do dogs do this? Puppies start eatin poop from the get-go, when they’re still with the other puppies. Their mother even eats their poop. Since puppies are learning how to be dogs, they do what mom does. So whadda ya expect?
Mom does this to keep the den clean and to protect them from predators who could be attracted by the scent. Be happy you moms got Pampers and Huggies so you don’t have to eat junior’s shit!
Mom stops eating their poop when they start eatin solid food and can leave the den to poop, but a puppy may still eat poop until he gets older. It’s learned behavior people.
But Why Do Dogs Eat Poop?
As I said, it’s natural for puppies to eat poop, but dogs who get a good diet should grow out of the shit consumption. Now here’s where it gets tricky. If your dog keeps eating poop, experts – you know the type, wears a white lab coat, letters behind their name, maybe played a doctor on TV – anyway experts say you should “consult a dog behaviorist.” That’s code for shrink and a hefty price tag.
Before you call Doctor Freud, here’s some reasons why your dog is eating poop:
- Poor digestion: Your dog may not be digesting his food. Maybe Fido’s food is low in digestible nutrients or he has a problem in his gut and it’s comin out lookin the same way it went in. The dog’s poop tastes like the food he just ate. That’s disgusting! So ya cheap ass, buy Rover better food!
- Boredom: If your dog is left alone for a long time, he may get bored and start playing with/eating his own shit. Again dick head, pay more attention to your dog and for Pete’s sake, clean up his poop!
- Stress: Stress can drive dogs to eat their own poop. Stress comes from a bunch o’ stuff. Moving is one of them and it’s nerve wracking for all of us – including Rover so have some empathy here. Hey dimwit, don’t add to Rover’s stress level by punishing him for eating his own shit.
- Hunger: Worms take nutrients from your dog’s system. Eating shit is his way of adding to his diet – you know, like taking a vitamin. Your dog may also not be getting enough to eat. Talk to your dog’s doc about how much Rover should eat.
- Attention: If you have already gotten upset because Fido’s eatin shit, your dog may be doin it just for the reaction – you know, like how your kids act up in school. Even though the reaction is bad, all your dog knows is that he’s getting a little somethin-somethin from you.
- Just Because: Then there’s some dogs, who’ll eat shit just because they like it. The best you can do is to try distracting him from doin his favorite thing – eatin poop.
- Always feed Rover good quality food so you’re sure he’s gettin all of the stuff he needs.
- Give ol’ Fido enough exercise, playtime and attention.
- Clean up that shit quick! Don’t leave your dog’s poop laying around. (Who does this, ya filthy pig?)
- Walk your dog on a leash. This could help stop him from eatin other dogs’ poop left lying around in the streets. (Again, what kind o’ filthy pig are you to just leave your dog’s shit laying around. Take a bag and clean it up for Pete’s sake!)
What if Your Dog Has Never Been a Poop Eater Before?
Here’s what Rover’s doc said,
“If your adult dog suddenly develops the habit of eating feces and has symptoms like weight loss, lethargy, discomfort, other behavioral changes, vomiting or diarrhea, make an appointment with your veterinarian.”
Well duh, doc. No disrespect intended, but if your dog is pukin and shittin like water, what kind of a dumbass do you have to be to not get him to the vet asap?
If your adult dog is healthy, but a poop eater, be sure you’re doing this stuff:
- Switch to high-quality, easily digestible food
- Increase the exercise, play and attention your dog gets
- Clean up the shit immediately
- Walk your dog on a leash
- Use deterrents
- Distract your dog when he’s interested in poop
- Reward him for leaving turds alone
Try it! Something’s bound to help.
Bottom line (ha, again, these puns just write themselves!), some kinds of poop are just too tempting (from a dog’s point of view) to pass up. Most dogs will eat cat shit no matter what. You’re just gonna have to stop Fido from eatin “treats” like these.