When we did not receive a communique from Taylor this week, I became concerned. I went to the jail for full disclosure. On entering her cell, prepared to chastise her for being so completely unprofessional as to submit her column late, I found it empty. I must admit, I was completely crestfallen. I had worked myself up into quite a lather about this and like a flat tire, was instantly deflated.
When I went to the authorities to inquire as to her whereabouts, an unfriendly woman in a guard’s uniform informed me.
“What, do you mean? Is she dead?” I asked in horror.
“No, not dead, just gone.”
Well, how do you like that? I came all the way out here to, well to visit her I guess. No, I came here to reprimand her for not submitting her column on time. Now, I am standing in an empty chamber and she is gone.
On further investigation, they found out she left with the catering staff this morning. It was a minimum security facility after all.
Look, Taylor, if you’re out there somewhere reading this, you can come back. I have dropped all charges against you.
Editor’s Note: While we at The STORY do not advocate violence of any sort whether it involves the use of a firearm or not, Mr. Mann, under the advice of legal council, was advised to drop all charges against Ms. Fairchild due to the fact that he had a loaded weapon sitting on his desk. Although she picked it up and was initially charged with brandishing a weapon, Mr. Mann was actually the one in violation for having a loaded firearm in a public work space. In light of the charges he would receive, Mr. Mann felt the wisest course of action would be to drop all charges against Ms. Fairchild.
Yes, that is correct, but it is more than that. I miss you. There I said it and I meant it. How can I have meaningful debate in our Point-Counter Point column if there is no one there to make half-baked political observations, in other words, points that I can disagree with. Frankly, the world has lost some of its luster without you here at The STORY, infuriating me with your insipid, liberal claptrap on a weekly basis.
We need you at The STORY, to liven things up. There is so much more to debate now. Think about all of the things happening in the White House that you will want to scream about?
OK, if this is what it will take, I’m sorry. There, is that what you wanted to hear? I will yell it from the rooftops, hollering until I am blue in the face, if that’s what it will take.
OK, now, come on, will you please return to your rightful place – the desk opposite mine?
Here, this is for you. I think the Chil-Lites really said it better than I ever could. It this doesn’t do it, I don’t know what will.